It's not the heart that feels, Its in the mind

Here's one thing about me. I have been single for 3 years and still single now. Not a big deal. But when I start to have feelings for someone, friends and even my bro said it's not feelings.. it's desperation. Now this confuse me a lot. I really don't think that I'm desperate at all because I think I get to feel the wonderful feeling of love again. Plus this time I am able to find a boyfriend legally, meaning my parents gave me the green light.

Then another confusion struck me again when one of my friend pointed out that sometimes what you feel for another person its not out of love but instead its admiration and lust. The desire to be with that someone. To touch him, to hold him, to kiss him.....etc etc.. (A reminder that this is a girl point of view)

So then I realise what I feel for this guy in uni was out of admiration. He was such a gentleman and a smart guy and cute. I was indeed eluded by his cuteness and not see that we have nothing in common at all. I can be wild at times, energetic and switch to quiet from time to time. But I can never see him being the type that would fit me. So I kicked him out of my head.

During my revision week and exam week, someone came into my mind. just 'click' and he's in my mind. Luckily I manage to concentrate and pull through the exams. Even now, he's in my mind. As a pedantic person at times, I rethink and worry what would happen if I rekindle our relationship. Most times, it would be so great but what if it doesn't work out.

By the way, I'm studying in Australia and I have like 3 more years to go. The guy that is in my mind is back in Malaysia. It hit me right on the face that I would have to go through 'long-distance relationship'. This type of relationship totally sends out the message: shaky relationship.
Plus, I was once in a long-distance relationship and it only last for 2 months. The reason being was he didn't love me anymore. It was hard for me but I guess it was karma as well. This is because I broke 2 guys heart before and karma just hit me and brought some sense into me. There were only 3 guys in my life so far and sometimes I think it will only stay that way. Two remain good friends and those 2 were the hearts I broke. I'm really glad though that now we're in good terms because grudge can just kill you.

As for the other one you might ask.. Well I have no grudges at all on him, there is only silence. Memories and mistakes that I made which in turn become a lesson learned.

Anyways, I really want to go back to Malaysia but damn the economy and politics back home! (this will be in one of my blog post soon ^_^) All I can do now is just wait until June, so I can go back home and let things flow. Only time will tell.

Thanks for reading.